Ack!

I am messing around with the design....not quite where I want it to be yet.

Obnoxious

First off, I am feeling much better in the b**bie area.  Thank god.

Now - my topic for today is that horrible ad from Just for Men hair dye featuring a father, his two daughters and his hot date.  Has anyone else seen this ad?  We watch a lot of football around here, which means I am already sick of viagra, cialis, and all the rest of those ads.  But the one I truly hate is the Just for Men one.

The ad starts of with two little girls (maybe 5 and 8 years old?) getting up the courage to give their dad a bottle of hair dye.  They finally do and tell him "It's time" and "he would be a really good catch for someone". ICK!!!!  The next scene is the dad on a date with an attractive woman and he takes a photo of them smiling at the restaurant with his camera phone.  The final scene is the two girls sitting on a chair together checking their (?!) cell phone and smiling and giggling and congratulating themselves on giving him the hair dye when they see the photo of ol' dad about to get lucky. And the slogan "Stay in the Game" - BARF!!!!

Okay - this ad is wrong in SO MANY WAYS!!!  Who took the girls to buy the hair dye?  The lady he is on the date with?  Did they order it online?  Where is their Mom?  If she is supposed to be dead and that is why it "is time", because they need a new Mommy, ugh.  Or do they think that dad is sad and needs some action?  Because he was just sitting around reading a newspaper? (Horrors!)  And he takes a photo of himself on a date and sends it to them?  GROSS!!!  And are they home alone waiting for cell phone updates on his date?!?!

I get more annoyed each time I see that commercial.

Yeeeeeeouch!!!

It is not fun times around here.  I am nursing Baby E three times a day/night and I have a mondo clog in a duct on my right side.  I have had clogs before, but nothing like this!  It feels like a softball.  So, I am currently focused on returning to our regularly scheduled b**bie program. Major Pain, people.  I would be worried that it is mastitis because there was some blood in what I pumped this afternoon (Yikes!  and T.M.I., sorry....), but I have no fever and feel fine other than the throbbing going on.  Any tips for me out there?

ahhhhhhhhhhh

I am here at the soaking pool.  I may never leave.

Sneaking around.

Tomorrow my company is throwing their annual golf tourney.  I attended last year and 18 holes of golf almost killed me.  Thankfully the office manager took pity on me and said I didn't have to attend this year.  So, I am leaving the office at 11:00 and heading straight here:  Edgefield Spa.

I will be paying $20 for an eyebrow wax which gives you soaking pool privileges.  The soaking pool is AWESOME and it even has a bar.  I am so freaking excited to sit at the pool ALONE and RELAX while the girls are at daycare and the hubby works.  And I am not telling him about it AT ALL.  I had a nightmare on Friday night that he and the girls found out and came along.  I was so sad in that dream.

I need this alone time like a fish needs water.....

Back to the grind.

Well, Day One of back to working full-time went off without a hitch.  Even with Mr. Mine out of town, I was able to get both girls out (happy! smiling!) of the house and to school by 6:50 a.m. and my ass was in the office by 7:30 a.m. sharp.  I only cried a little on my drive in.  :(

The girls will be happy as clams at daycare.  The place they go is truly wonderful.  R has not so much as sniffled when I dropped her off in the over a year she has been attending.  

My responsibilities have been shuffled around and I am now the executive assistant to six people.  Two of these people are from my previous team which I have worked with for the past five years.  At first I was upset that my two primary executives (Boss #1 and Boss #2) gave me away to other team members and KEPT MY MATERNITY LEAVE TEMP as their new assistant. (Full disclosure:  She is eight years younger than I, looks like Jamie Lynn Spears's twin AND she is the roommate of old Boss #1's daughter - and DESPITE all that, she is GREAT.  At least I like her!) According to old Boss #1, they kept her because she is willing to work late and I wanted to work 7:30 - 4:00.  So, in short, they liked me so much, they gave me to the other team out of respect to my wishes to work those hours.  

While I was bit shocked at the shuffling of the executives/assistants, I am now DELIGHTED.  I am now free of the mind-numbing, soul-crushing fussiness of Mr. Fussypants Boss #2.  I had an almost mystical, zen-like way with accommodating and working with Mr. Fussypants Boss #2. This man drives everyone to drink that comes in contact with him.  He is not mean or an asshole, he will just KEEP REPEATING HIS VIEW until you comply.  My key to working with him was to just say to myself "Okay, whatever he wants me to do, however he wants me to do it, I will DO IT THAT WAY".  

So many people fell into the bottomless pit of trying to explain why they thought their way was better.  I didn't care about being right, I just did it frickin' his way and all was smooth sailing.  I was his assistant and I would assist him with whatever asinine project he wanted.  My compensation?  I had a happy boss and a happy paycheck.  I just had to laugh at everyone who got all worked up and angry when trying to deal with him.  Why did they waste their time arguing???

Okay - lots of blather there.  My point is - I AM FREEEEEEE of him!!!!!!  He is Jamie Lynn's Problem now.  WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!   And I get paid the same!  And I get to work my awesome hours!  

And I have this view from my new desk area:

Away on Business and Back to Business

I am home with the girls right now while Mr. Mine is whooping it up at the pool on the company dime, oops, I mean "working" in Phoenix.  He is gone until Tuesday.  I normally don't mind when he goes away on business.  I like having my own time around the house - eating all the crappy junk food I want, being messy, etc.  (Note to self: Write future post on Mr. Mine and his Annoying Health Food Problem.)  

But now that there are two kids, it is not as much fun when he is gone.  I have been home on maternity leave for the past 14 weeks.  Being alone all day with the girls makes me LIVE for when Mr. Mine comes home from work in a way I never have before, and this weekend there will be no breaks from the little ladies.

It has been fantastic to have him come home at 5:00 p.m. all summer, shovel dinner in his mouth and take R to the park for AN HOUR AND A HALF.  Oh sweet jesus, do I love that little break from R.  Time to just cuddle with Baby E and enjoy the SILENCE and NON-MOBILE BABY.  And now he is gone for 5 days, argh.

Today we have already been to the outlet mall down the street with a fistful of quarters to ride the little rides.  When R is on one, she is pointing longingly at another one.  She wants to ride both simultaneously but can't.  That is a pretty tough life lesson to learn at 22 months.  Then it was on to the park for an hour.

We are home now and she is chattering in her crib, refusing to nap.  Baby E is sleeping, thank goodness.  I just ate a Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr. and I quite enjoyed eating it by myself, without R demanding a "bite".  The rest of the afternoon plans include ANOTHER trip to the park.  I have to wear R out so she goes to bed at 7:00 p.m. and I can collapse on the couch with Baby E.

On Monday I go back to work full-time.  This requires it's own post, really.  But in summary, I am sad to leave the girls each day but so happy to have them competently entertained for 40 hours a week while Mommy enjoys eating and restrooming in peace and getting paid for it.  I have an EXTREMELY cushy job that amounts to helping people (okay, middle-aged men) figure out how to look at the pictures of boats, fish, golf courses, etc. that are attached to emails they receive from non-work related buddies.  Oh, and looking up directions on mapquest occasionally.  I do a few other things, but that about covers the complexity of my job.  Am I selfish for wanting quiet time at work instead of endless drudge with pockets of extreme fun and sweetness with the girls?  Maybe, but right now I have to work to pay the bills.  Perhaps someday in the near future Mr. Mine will make a few more $$$ and I can stay home full time.  We shall see.

The beasts are stirring and I must tend to them.  Happy Saturday!

The One That Wasn't.

I originally began reading blogs when I was pregnant with my almost two-year old daughter. For preservation of her anonymity, I will call her R.  I loved nothing more than reading a good birthing story and I thought I would start there with this blog.  But to truly tell R's tale (and E's tale - the second daughter), I need to go back further in time, to the one that wasn't.

Mr. Mine and I had been married for about 4 years.  We had a house, health insurance,  and two dogs... It was time for a baby!  Yay!  The first month of trying (June 2005) came and went. Nothing.   Month 2 was a good one!  The pregnancy test was positive!  Whoo hoo!  And Yikes! We made our appointment for the 9 week ultrasound.  I was feeling great and we were getting so excited.   We held off from telling anyone and I am glad we did.

Appointment Day arrived.  We were in the examination room, waiting to see the little one on the ultrasound screen.  The tech looked and looked and got very quiet.  She said "I am very sorry, but there is no baby.  It appears growth stopped right around conception, but the womb continued to grow.  It is called a blighted ovum."  We were stunned and very, very sad.

Things got worse.  My doctor spoke with us and a D & C surgery was scheduled.  I was so very sad and scared of having surgery.  I had never been under general anesthesia before.  The surgery took about an hour total and, boy, did I have some wild dreams while I was out.  I was crying and seeing Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas scenes in my sleep.  I remember trying to tell the tech this.  I think he was confused by my ramblings.  The surgery itself was pain free.

After the surgery I went home and slept.  I went to work the very next day and it was like nothing happened - except it had.  I was advised to wait until my next period had passed before we tried to get pregnant again.

I waited...and waited....and waited.  No period.  We had marital relations.  Still no period.  I took a pregnancy test and it came up POSITIVE.  Whoa, okay.  My doctor sent me to the lab to have blood work done.  The blood work came back with pregnancy hormones present, but very low.  I had to go back in a week.  The count was still low.  

People, this went on for ALMOST SIX MONTHS.  Every week I had blood work done and it kept coming up slightly positive.  I was losing my mind.  What was the deal?  I wasn't having my normal evening wine just in case I WAS pregnant and it was HARD.  So, off I went for ANOTHER ultrasound.  Surprise!  They apparently had not removed all the womb tissue from the the first D & C and it had been GROWING.  Oh. My. God.  My doctor wanted to schedule another D & C.  

I BEGGED her to give me some other alternative to that.  She really wanted to do another surgery, but offered me the "abortion pill" misoprostol (sp?) to see if that would expel the tissue in conjunction with a single shot of chemo (yes, people, CHEMO) to kill any growing cells.  I tried it.  Chemo shot - NOT FUN, VERY PAINFUL and given in your butt cheek. Misoprostol - the pain was worse than my actual deliveries.  It hurt that bad.  I have NEVER been in that kind of pain.  I was rolling around on the floor in agony.  After all that pain,  I was hopeful SOMETHING would happen in the period department.

It kind of did.  I had a little period.  But not all the tissue was gone, according to another ultrasound.  So, I sadly agreed to another D & C.  It was now December.

Like some Christmas miracle, two days before the surgery, QUITE A LOT of tissue passed.  I was FINALLY done with the womb that would just NOT GIVE UP!

My mind had been seriously messed with for about six months over this and I was ecstatic that things were back to normal in my lady parts area.  So normal, in fact, that by February 2006 I was pregnant again and an ultrasound at 6 weeks confirmed that all was good in the 'hood.

Next up - Baby R's Birth!

About time.

I have been reading other people's blogs for about a year now.  As I read these tales, I find myself writing my own posts in the back of my mind.  I have another blog but, alas, my mother-in-law, husband and employer know about it and check it frequently for photos of my two little darling angel daughters.  I obviously cannot let loose like I would like to!  Hence O Me, O Mine!  I hope you enjoy my ramblings.