Sni-zow *Old post from 12/23/08*

**Ha! I found this post, sitting there, unpublished! How appropriate, as it is MARCH and we are on SNOW WATCH tonight. WTF?**

Oh LORD! If I don't find a way to get myself out of my SNOW-COVERED neighborhood and get my ass to Target, THERE WILL BE NO CHRISTMAS!!! My girls will get string cheese and jars of baby food in their stockings. My car is covered up to the hood and every time a giant monster truck barrels by, the drifts get taller and taller. I live in Portland, people, NOT THE NORTH POLE.

And yet, my polar bear husband still barbecues, undaunted by the snow.

Socially Inept

I used to be popular - I was a cheerleader and part of the "in crowd", for goodness sake. And then somehow, over the last 15 years (oh lord) something changed. I still am very close to my high school friends, but the majority of them live in California, not in the Pacific Northwest like me. I went to a junior college in my hometown and then I worked in restaurants for a few years. I finally went away to school to finish my bachelor degree just when the rest of my friends were graduating.

My college was brand new and all the students commuted there, as there were no dorms. Not that I would have lived in the dorms anyway - I was too old for that. There was no campus "social life". I guess I should consider myself somewhat lucky I met Mr. Mine in college - not MY college, rather, he went to college with one of my best high school friends and he liked what he saw when I would come to visit her - I never even noticed him (hee hee). After he graduated, he moved to the town where I was going to college (his hometown, incidentally) and we started dating. Otherwise - I might not even be married right now! My friend suggested I email him when I moved there - an email to him was the first I ever sent! I had to create a hotmail account to do it - have I totally dated myself with this revelation?! Anyway - we fell in love and blab, blab, blab....

But I digress....I used to have friends, dress nicely, feel pretty, and have fun outings and conversation with my peers. But not so much now. I have two work friends, THANK GOD, but the weekends are pretty quiet. I like quiet for the most part, so that is okay, but here comes the awkwardness comes in to play.

I have started to chat with a stay-at-home mom, Erin, who lives down the street from us. They have a little boy Max who is R's age (2) and they are just about to have their second baby boy. We have chatted a few times on the street and we stopped by their house the other day. They seem very nice! They even invited us to a birthday party for their son and a set of triplet boys that also live in our neighborhood (and I have NEVER SEEN these triplets). I was brave on Saturday and R and I (Mr. Mine stayed home with Baby E) stopped by the party, which was thrown at our neighborhood Mormon church. We are not Mormon, nor is Max's family, but the triplets are and Mormon community rooms are very kid friendly, of course.

I didn't know anyone, really, besides Erin and Rob, Max's mom and dad. Here is where the social ineptitude comes in. This room was full of about 12 sets of parents and various kids, all playing. I am just SHY and have a hard time introducing myself to people. I talked with Max's mom (who was VERY nice, again), but that is really it. I just felt like a major dork. My pants keep falling down off my hips - they are from before my two babies and now I am thinner, yet have belly flab. My hair air-dried so it was frizzy. My morning had been jam-packed with getting my mother-in-law on her way to the airport. I had my glasses on and no make-up, etc. ect. etc. So R and I just sort of wandered around and I watched her play with the toys, while I felt like an gangly teenager at a middle school dance.

Then I stuck my foot in my mouth and asked the triplet's parents if the babies had just turned one year old. Uh, no...they just turned two, but they are half the size and developmental stage of R, I swear. I was SO EMBARRASSED. Also, I got guacamole all over my shirt in the morning and forgot about it and when I got to the party, I noticed I had food on my fleece and went to take my fleece off and realized I had not changed my guacamole-covered shirt. Sigh.

So - here I was in a room full of people I SHOULD have lots in common with (aside from the Mormon-ness) and be able to talk to, but yet I felt like only LAME things came out of my mouth and I was acting like a dork with food on my clothes and unbrushed hair (R was looking fantastic, though, as always - people are probably SHOCKED she belongs to me). It just depresses me. The whole concept of I want to make friends, but that involves Making An Effort in so many ways - trying to look presentable, managing my weekend time to get myself and the girls, if it is child centered, out of the house on time, making conversation, trying not say awkward or weird things, which I feel like I do, and just on and on and on.....

But, I guess I need to start making that effort, before my social skills atrophy to the Point of No Return and, after the girls move out, Mr. Mine and I turn into dog show fanatics or something.....

Grump....

1. Mr. Mine is on a business trip in Chicago - in a very nice hotel room and about to go out to a VERY fancy dinner with his coworkers. I am cooking a pot roast that I am pretty sure is NOT going to be good and won't even get to eat it in peace until 7:30 - after I have put the girls down for the evening. And between now and then is the whole bedtime PROCESS.

2. There are fruit flies EVERYWHERE in my kitchen! YUCK! Gross! Make them STOP!

3. I took the girls to the park today since it was sunny and I ended up with a SUNBURNED FACE. In November. I look like a lobster.

Yipee.

Overheard

While shopping at Ross looking for a deal on shoes for R, I overheard this (LOUD) exchange between a young lady of about 23-ish years old and her Grandma and Mother: "Grandma, you know what I'm getting those bitches this year? Nothing!!!!"

Nice.

I am such an old lady.

Mr. Mine is gone on a business trip for six nights. This means I am on solo duty for child dressing/feeding/delivering to daycare, working 8 hours and then reversing the daycare, dressing, etc. Tiring, yes, but now it is 8:30 and they both are asleep and the house is clean and.....I want to go to bed. I can't go to bed at 8:30!!!! What the heck?!?! But it is so quiet and peaceful and dark outside. I WANT to sleep. My bed is calling to me softly....just climb in and rest your eyes...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tagged! 6 Random things about me.

Mandy over at First you make a Roux tagged her readers with this one...It sounded fun and like I could do it in under 5 minutes. Mr. Mine is gone on business and this is Night One of SIX nights away...and it was already a humdinger of a night. Anyhoo....

1. I like to eat Bob's Big Boy Seasoning Salt PLAIN, with sips of Coke. I AM WIERD, I KNOW. I also do this in secret and only MAYBE three times a year. Mr. Mine has no idea I do that.

2. I took ballet, tap and jazz for 6 years when I was a child. I was never the best one in the class, but I liked it - I liked the performances twice a year the most. In 8th grade I had reached the point (and I was in pointe shoes - the holy grail of ballet school) where you go big or go home - dance class every night a week, sometimes twice a night, etc. I tried out for cheerleading in high school and made the squad. My ballet school turned their nose up at cheerleading and said basically, "us or them". I chose cheerleading. The random thing about all this is that it wasn't until my LAST six months of dance class that "something clicked" - All of a sudden I TRULY enjoyed moving my body through the poses and the dances. It was such a moment of clarity. I wonder why on earth it took so long for me to feel that way - did the other girls feel like that from the start?

3. I was a baby cheetah stalker. I volunteered at the San Diego Wild Animal Park when I was in college. There was a baby cheetah in the animal nursery that had been abandoned by her mother. Her name was Jamoke. I swear, I checked in on that cheetah WEEKLY and I must have 200 digital pictures of her. God, I wanted to pet her.

4. I drove a '68 Mustang in high school. It was my mom's old car and a BEATER by the time I had it. But, MAN, did I love gunning around town in that thing! My little brother inherited it 10 years after I had been driving it and promptly drove it into someone's front porch.

5. I was a medical oddity for about 10 minutes. My eye doctor found some strange speck deep in my eyeball and ran all kinds of tests on it and showed all his buddies. It turns out it was nothing, but it was fun having all the doctors nerd out over it.

6. When I have driven myself somewhere once, I can ALMOST always find my way back to and from it perfectly. But if you asked me to TELL YOU how to get there - there is NO WAY I can do it. I have lived at my house for 4 years and I STILL can't seem to give people the proper directions. And my house is literally three turns and a couple stoplights from a major interstate.

There....that was fun, thanks Mandy!

My husband is 850 miles away and I couldn't be happier.

Mr. Mine has left for the weekend...4 nights to be exact. He has gone to San Luis Obispo, CA to meet up with 15 of his college friends to send one of them off into the land of wedded bliss with one last weekend of debauchery. I am not looking forward to entertaining the 23 month old all rainy weekend long, but I am glad he went. They all have such a good time together.

I am also equally glad I didn't have to go. I love Mr. Mine with all my heart, but DAMN does he get on my nerves when he has had a few cocktails and I have not. We get along FABULOUSLY if both of us are having a few, but if I am sober and he is extra tipsy, ohhhh LORD is he annoying. I, OF COURSE, am NEVER annoying when I have had a few....(hey, this is MY blog, right?) So, my dear Mr. Mine, have a grand old time without your cranky old lady hanging around harshing your mellow. And you better believe I will be planning a weekend away for me and my girlfriends in the very near future!

Ack!

I am messing around with the design....not quite where I want it to be yet.

Obnoxious

First off, I am feeling much better in the b**bie area.  Thank god.

Now - my topic for today is that horrible ad from Just for Men hair dye featuring a father, his two daughters and his hot date.  Has anyone else seen this ad?  We watch a lot of football around here, which means I am already sick of viagra, cialis, and all the rest of those ads.  But the one I truly hate is the Just for Men one.

The ad starts of with two little girls (maybe 5 and 8 years old?) getting up the courage to give their dad a bottle of hair dye.  They finally do and tell him "It's time" and "he would be a really good catch for someone". ICK!!!!  The next scene is the dad on a date with an attractive woman and he takes a photo of them smiling at the restaurant with his camera phone.  The final scene is the two girls sitting on a chair together checking their (?!) cell phone and smiling and giggling and congratulating themselves on giving him the hair dye when they see the photo of ol' dad about to get lucky. And the slogan "Stay in the Game" - BARF!!!!

Okay - this ad is wrong in SO MANY WAYS!!!  Who took the girls to buy the hair dye?  The lady he is on the date with?  Did they order it online?  Where is their Mom?  If she is supposed to be dead and that is why it "is time", because they need a new Mommy, ugh.  Or do they think that dad is sad and needs some action?  Because he was just sitting around reading a newspaper? (Horrors!)  And he takes a photo of himself on a date and sends it to them?  GROSS!!!  And are they home alone waiting for cell phone updates on his date?!?!

I get more annoyed each time I see that commercial.

Yeeeeeeouch!!!

It is not fun times around here.  I am nursing Baby E three times a day/night and I have a mondo clog in a duct on my right side.  I have had clogs before, but nothing like this!  It feels like a softball.  So, I am currently focused on returning to our regularly scheduled b**bie program. Major Pain, people.  I would be worried that it is mastitis because there was some blood in what I pumped this afternoon (Yikes!  and T.M.I., sorry....), but I have no fever and feel fine other than the throbbing going on.  Any tips for me out there?

ahhhhhhhhhhh

I am here at the soaking pool.  I may never leave.

Sneaking around.

Tomorrow my company is throwing their annual golf tourney.  I attended last year and 18 holes of golf almost killed me.  Thankfully the office manager took pity on me and said I didn't have to attend this year.  So, I am leaving the office at 11:00 and heading straight here:  Edgefield Spa.

I will be paying $20 for an eyebrow wax which gives you soaking pool privileges.  The soaking pool is AWESOME and it even has a bar.  I am so freaking excited to sit at the pool ALONE and RELAX while the girls are at daycare and the hubby works.  And I am not telling him about it AT ALL.  I had a nightmare on Friday night that he and the girls found out and came along.  I was so sad in that dream.

I need this alone time like a fish needs water.....

Back to the grind.

Well, Day One of back to working full-time went off without a hitch.  Even with Mr. Mine out of town, I was able to get both girls out (happy! smiling!) of the house and to school by 6:50 a.m. and my ass was in the office by 7:30 a.m. sharp.  I only cried a little on my drive in.  :(

The girls will be happy as clams at daycare.  The place they go is truly wonderful.  R has not so much as sniffled when I dropped her off in the over a year she has been attending.  

My responsibilities have been shuffled around and I am now the executive assistant to six people.  Two of these people are from my previous team which I have worked with for the past five years.  At first I was upset that my two primary executives (Boss #1 and Boss #2) gave me away to other team members and KEPT MY MATERNITY LEAVE TEMP as their new assistant. (Full disclosure:  She is eight years younger than I, looks like Jamie Lynn Spears's twin AND she is the roommate of old Boss #1's daughter - and DESPITE all that, she is GREAT.  At least I like her!) According to old Boss #1, they kept her because she is willing to work late and I wanted to work 7:30 - 4:00.  So, in short, they liked me so much, they gave me to the other team out of respect to my wishes to work those hours.  

While I was bit shocked at the shuffling of the executives/assistants, I am now DELIGHTED.  I am now free of the mind-numbing, soul-crushing fussiness of Mr. Fussypants Boss #2.  I had an almost mystical, zen-like way with accommodating and working with Mr. Fussypants Boss #2. This man drives everyone to drink that comes in contact with him.  He is not mean or an asshole, he will just KEEP REPEATING HIS VIEW until you comply.  My key to working with him was to just say to myself "Okay, whatever he wants me to do, however he wants me to do it, I will DO IT THAT WAY".  

So many people fell into the bottomless pit of trying to explain why they thought their way was better.  I didn't care about being right, I just did it frickin' his way and all was smooth sailing.  I was his assistant and I would assist him with whatever asinine project he wanted.  My compensation?  I had a happy boss and a happy paycheck.  I just had to laugh at everyone who got all worked up and angry when trying to deal with him.  Why did they waste their time arguing???

Okay - lots of blather there.  My point is - I AM FREEEEEEE of him!!!!!!  He is Jamie Lynn's Problem now.  WHOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!   And I get paid the same!  And I get to work my awesome hours!  

And I have this view from my new desk area:

Away on Business and Back to Business

I am home with the girls right now while Mr. Mine is whooping it up at the pool on the company dime, oops, I mean "working" in Phoenix.  He is gone until Tuesday.  I normally don't mind when he goes away on business.  I like having my own time around the house - eating all the crappy junk food I want, being messy, etc.  (Note to self: Write future post on Mr. Mine and his Annoying Health Food Problem.)  

But now that there are two kids, it is not as much fun when he is gone.  I have been home on maternity leave for the past 14 weeks.  Being alone all day with the girls makes me LIVE for when Mr. Mine comes home from work in a way I never have before, and this weekend there will be no breaks from the little ladies.

It has been fantastic to have him come home at 5:00 p.m. all summer, shovel dinner in his mouth and take R to the park for AN HOUR AND A HALF.  Oh sweet jesus, do I love that little break from R.  Time to just cuddle with Baby E and enjoy the SILENCE and NON-MOBILE BABY.  And now he is gone for 5 days, argh.

Today we have already been to the outlet mall down the street with a fistful of quarters to ride the little rides.  When R is on one, she is pointing longingly at another one.  She wants to ride both simultaneously but can't.  That is a pretty tough life lesson to learn at 22 months.  Then it was on to the park for an hour.

We are home now and she is chattering in her crib, refusing to nap.  Baby E is sleeping, thank goodness.  I just ate a Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr. and I quite enjoyed eating it by myself, without R demanding a "bite".  The rest of the afternoon plans include ANOTHER trip to the park.  I have to wear R out so she goes to bed at 7:00 p.m. and I can collapse on the couch with Baby E.

On Monday I go back to work full-time.  This requires it's own post, really.  But in summary, I am sad to leave the girls each day but so happy to have them competently entertained for 40 hours a week while Mommy enjoys eating and restrooming in peace and getting paid for it.  I have an EXTREMELY cushy job that amounts to helping people (okay, middle-aged men) figure out how to look at the pictures of boats, fish, golf courses, etc. that are attached to emails they receive from non-work related buddies.  Oh, and looking up directions on mapquest occasionally.  I do a few other things, but that about covers the complexity of my job.  Am I selfish for wanting quiet time at work instead of endless drudge with pockets of extreme fun and sweetness with the girls?  Maybe, but right now I have to work to pay the bills.  Perhaps someday in the near future Mr. Mine will make a few more $$$ and I can stay home full time.  We shall see.

The beasts are stirring and I must tend to them.  Happy Saturday!

The One That Wasn't.

I originally began reading blogs when I was pregnant with my almost two-year old daughter. For preservation of her anonymity, I will call her R.  I loved nothing more than reading a good birthing story and I thought I would start there with this blog.  But to truly tell R's tale (and E's tale - the second daughter), I need to go back further in time, to the one that wasn't.

Mr. Mine and I had been married for about 4 years.  We had a house, health insurance,  and two dogs... It was time for a baby!  Yay!  The first month of trying (June 2005) came and went. Nothing.   Month 2 was a good one!  The pregnancy test was positive!  Whoo hoo!  And Yikes! We made our appointment for the 9 week ultrasound.  I was feeling great and we were getting so excited.   We held off from telling anyone and I am glad we did.

Appointment Day arrived.  We were in the examination room, waiting to see the little one on the ultrasound screen.  The tech looked and looked and got very quiet.  She said "I am very sorry, but there is no baby.  It appears growth stopped right around conception, but the womb continued to grow.  It is called a blighted ovum."  We were stunned and very, very sad.

Things got worse.  My doctor spoke with us and a D & C surgery was scheduled.  I was so very sad and scared of having surgery.  I had never been under general anesthesia before.  The surgery took about an hour total and, boy, did I have some wild dreams while I was out.  I was crying and seeing Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas scenes in my sleep.  I remember trying to tell the tech this.  I think he was confused by my ramblings.  The surgery itself was pain free.

After the surgery I went home and slept.  I went to work the very next day and it was like nothing happened - except it had.  I was advised to wait until my next period had passed before we tried to get pregnant again.

I waited...and waited....and waited.  No period.  We had marital relations.  Still no period.  I took a pregnancy test and it came up POSITIVE.  Whoa, okay.  My doctor sent me to the lab to have blood work done.  The blood work came back with pregnancy hormones present, but very low.  I had to go back in a week.  The count was still low.  

People, this went on for ALMOST SIX MONTHS.  Every week I had blood work done and it kept coming up slightly positive.  I was losing my mind.  What was the deal?  I wasn't having my normal evening wine just in case I WAS pregnant and it was HARD.  So, off I went for ANOTHER ultrasound.  Surprise!  They apparently had not removed all the womb tissue from the the first D & C and it had been GROWING.  Oh. My. God.  My doctor wanted to schedule another D & C.  

I BEGGED her to give me some other alternative to that.  She really wanted to do another surgery, but offered me the "abortion pill" misoprostol (sp?) to see if that would expel the tissue in conjunction with a single shot of chemo (yes, people, CHEMO) to kill any growing cells.  I tried it.  Chemo shot - NOT FUN, VERY PAINFUL and given in your butt cheek. Misoprostol - the pain was worse than my actual deliveries.  It hurt that bad.  I have NEVER been in that kind of pain.  I was rolling around on the floor in agony.  After all that pain,  I was hopeful SOMETHING would happen in the period department.

It kind of did.  I had a little period.  But not all the tissue was gone, according to another ultrasound.  So, I sadly agreed to another D & C.  It was now December.

Like some Christmas miracle, two days before the surgery, QUITE A LOT of tissue passed.  I was FINALLY done with the womb that would just NOT GIVE UP!

My mind had been seriously messed with for about six months over this and I was ecstatic that things were back to normal in my lady parts area.  So normal, in fact, that by February 2006 I was pregnant again and an ultrasound at 6 weeks confirmed that all was good in the 'hood.

Next up - Baby R's Birth!

About time.

I have been reading other people's blogs for about a year now.  As I read these tales, I find myself writing my own posts in the back of my mind.  I have another blog but, alas, my mother-in-law, husband and employer know about it and check it frequently for photos of my two little darling angel daughters.  I obviously cannot let loose like I would like to!  Hence O Me, O Mine!  I hope you enjoy my ramblings.